Have you ever been judged? I don’t know if anyone can truthfully answer “no” to that question. Yet, for many of us, being judged is one of our biggest fears! Most of us learn to “deal” with judgement by hiding the parts of ourselves we think caused the judgements.
However, letting judgements rule what you choose to do and be in life, sends a message to others that they can control you simply by judging you. When you let judgement win, you encourage the judgers to keep on judging!
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For nearly three years, I was on the receiving end of a targeted campaign of judgement. I eventually realised I had three choices; get upset, feel powerless and let that person’s opinions and actions affect me and my choices; spend my energy fighting, defending and creating conflict with this person; or see the value in me, move forward and be unstoppable in life.
I took steps to move beyond anything and anyone who tried to control me and hold me back. Here are the principles I now live by:
Recognise judgement is about control, not truth.
Do you avoid speaking up, or hesitate to choose something because you worry someone else might get offended? When we give judgement significance or believe it is real, we can easily let it stop or control us.
The situation, mentioned above, first started to unravel as my own life became greater. The more I succeeded, the more insecure the other person became. Rather than choosing to be inspired by the choices and changes I made, they tried to disempower me and make me feel small instead.
Certain judgements can hit a sensitive nerve and you may be tempted to let them stop you. Instead, take a breath and ask questions, such as, “If I was truly creating my life, what would I choose?” “Would I choose to be affected by all this or would I choose a greater life for me?” “Would I let someone’s judgements stop me or would I choose for myself?”
If you are choosing something for you and it topples other people’s apple carts, it is not your problem. Other people’s judgements do not define you and are not true for you. Don’t stop choosing for yourself just because someone else is upset or angry.
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Value you.
Judgement from other people can trigger us most when we don’t value ourselves.
The moment you start acknowledging your worth, you won’t require anyone else to validate you. If you think you need external validation, you will always give yourself up to try and fit in with other’s judgements. Just because someone doesn’t see your value, doesn’t mean you don’t have value!
Self-value is not based on who is right or wrong. It is about always choosing more for you, not less. It’s important to remember that people who do judge are fighting their own battles, often with their own sense of self-worth. If you knew your value, would you even need to put someone else down in order to feel good?
Be grateful for the judgment – and the judgers!
When dealing with situations where I’m being judged, I turn things around completely and use those judgements to inspire me instead. In fact, in many situations, if someone had not tried to invalidate me as much as they did, I probably would not have stepped up as much as I did and become the person I am today!
Judgement may not always be pleasant or comfortable, but if you find a way to turn it into a positive situation to be grateful for and learn from, it can spur you on and contribute to your life in surprising ways.
If you desire a less judgemental world, it has to start with you. When you choose not to fuel the fires of judgement and choose to value yourself and be unstoppable instead, you welcome in a kinder world. What kindness would be created in your life and in the world if you never judged you, or anything else, again?
About the author
Smriti Goswami is a business mentor, life coach and certified facilitator of several Access Consciousness® special programs, including Being You. She is a certified FAA Commercial Pilot, experienced glider pilot and co-owner of Mumbai organisation, ArtEscapades. A talented athlete and adventure sportswoman, Smriti successfully completed an intensive SCUBA course with the Indian Naval Diving Team in her youth – one of just eight girls in a gathering of 600 participants. A committed advocate for women’s empowerment, she offers individual consultations and classes around the world, empowering people to think out of the box and follow their dreams.
